Smiles, they can be so deceiving sometimes can’t they?
Everything, anything you’re feeling just gets covered up by a simple expression to keep people at bay.
We close down, we block out, we surrender to our heads and that smile becomes so much harder to keep. We misunderstand the dangers of overthinking or keeping thoughts and feelings to ourselves, keeping ourselves locked away from those closest or even just an acquaintance whose in the same situation as you. It’s so easy to become lost in your own head feeling like there’s no way out, your demons resurfacing but in new forms, I’ll admit I suffer from it every so often even so after a big patch a good few years ago now. I guess it’s something that never leaves.
You push yourself through it, you fake it ’til you make it because you know no other way. But I guess I’m here to say yeah, there always is another way. The tears that run down your cheek when you have to force another fake smile – stop them. Embrace whatever emotion it is you need to embrace, be expressive. Let yourself loose, unleash. Feel the energy within you building and just unleash. If it means crying, then cry. Who gives a damn. God knows I’ve been doing a lot of it lately for my own reasons and things I’ve been dealing with – but again, my point is – who are we trying to kid forcing a smile on our face when we’re hurting inside?
We bury our problems deeper beneath our own surfaces, hoping they’ll never rise up to t the top again, just so we can “move on”, or “get over it”, but we’re human. We don’t have switches to flick on and off to cut out emotion. We have to feel. We HAVE to feel.
I came across a situation I was faced with not too long ago before I moved, where I had to confront 7 years of lost memories, multiple emotions, all in 1 unexpected moment in my own comfort zone. I felt I wanted to smile, but I broke down. I wanted to unleash, but I wanted to bury the boxes. Every coffin I buried for years of hurt, anger, upset, terror, hope, every single emotional grave was dug up. I still asked myself throughout the whole time of that confrontation – do you still want to smile Sim? And eventually I did. But was it genuine?
We feel this constant need to put on a front, to fake it so we never reveal our true selves for some reason or other – mainly because we’ve been hurt in the past before. We don’t want to embarrass ourselves in public or around friends and family, we don’t want to feel weak. So we smile, and keep smiling. But nobody ever really understood the danger behind a smile. Truly.